Gay Men's Guide

Welcome to the Gay Men’s Resource Guide @ UIS. This is a guide to help gay men at UIS find the resources they may need and to find support on this campus. The Gay Men’s Resource Guide is a living document which means that we are open to suggestions for other resources we might have missed. If you would like to leave a resource suggestion, please email us at gss@uis.edu

Gay is a term used to describe a person emotionally, physically, and/or sexually attracted to males/men. It is also a term used in some cultural settings to represent males who are attracted to males in a romantic, erotic and/or emotional sense. Not all men who engage in “homosexual behavior” identify as gay, and as such this label should be used with caution. Or, this term may refer to the LGBTQIA+ community as a whole, or as an individual identity label for anyone who does not identify as heterosexual.

Gay and bisexual men may have a set of circumstances that is different than others in the queer community. Some of these will be about safer sex, coming out, body image, finding a safe date online, and navigating issues around perceived and real masculinity and gender roles. The following links and resources are intended as a helpful place to begin.

Masculinity

If you've ever felt that someone you like won't respond to you, a friend group won't accept you, or that what you have to say is less important because you don't fit the "perfect body" mold - you're not alone. Even though (many of) the "perfect body" guys seem happy and untouchable, they often live with pain and insecurities that leave them feeling constantly empty. Their value system is based entirely on image, which is an exhausting and depressing way to live. Trust that they are the ones missing out - not you.

• The Ways Gay Men Are More Masculine Than They Realize: Despite different orientations, gay and straight men have a lot in common.
• Gay Men’s Obsession with Masculinity Is Hurting Their Mental Health: Researchers are tallying the consequences of gay culture’s fixation on masculinity. The costs are higher than you might think.
• Shock, Guilt, and Privilege: On Being a Masculine Gay Man: One man’s journey to acceptance of his masculinity and sexual orientation.

Coming Out

• LGBT Youth Resources: An extensive list of resources and web page from the Centers from Disease Control.

Body Image

• Our Bodies, Our Confidence: For Gay Men: A page for gay men (as well as bisexual, pansexual and trans men, too), to discuss building Positive Body Image.
• Huffington Post article on gay men and body image.
• The Conversation article about how body ideals shape gay men’s health.
• GQ article on body image and the gay community.
• My Body, My Story: a gay man’s story of embodiment.
• Read about 5 People Championing Body Positivity in the LGBTQ Community.

LGBTQ Youth Groups and Resources

• Weekly LGBTea hosted by Gender & Sexuality Student Services: Join us on campus or online. Location: Student Lounge/Student Life Bldg. rm 22 or online at go.uis.edu/LGBTea Weekly dialogues about queer topics serving all gender and sexual minorities including LGBTQIA+ and the two-spirit student community as well as their cisgender & heterosexual allies.
• Weekly Fluidity discussion groups hosted by Gender & Sexuality Student Services: Fluidity provides a safe and confidential talk space for those exploring their sexual and/or gender identity with peers. Shades provides a safe and confidential talk space about the intersections of race, sexual orientation, and gender identity.
• See our list of local organizations.

Online and National Organizations

• Q Chat Space: A community for LGBTQ+ teens to chat with like-minded peers in live chats designed for you and by you, facilitated by folks who care.
• Gay, Lesbian, & Straight Education Network Student Action: GLSEN advises on, advocates for, and researches comprehensive policies designed to protect LGBTQ students as well as students of marginalized identities.
• Genders & Sexuality Alliance Network: Student-run organizations that unite LGBTQ+ and allied youth to build community and organize around issues impacting them in their schools and communities.
• It Gets Better Project: A nonprofit organization with a mission to uplift, empower, and connect lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, and queer youth around the globe.
• Center for Disease Control’s LGBTQ Youth Resources.

Reading Lists Geared Toward Gay Male Identities

• Daryl Bruce’s list of 10 gay novels to read.
• Books about LGBTQ life, culture, history, and politics.
  • 17 must-read books about queer history
  • 43 books about LGBTQ life, culture, history, and politics everyone should read

Dating Online

• Check out GSSS’s Online Dating Safety Checklist.
• Check out this safety guide to LGBTQ dating.
• Check out this article, LGBTQ in America, on the largest nationally-representative study of American singles who identify as LGBTQ.
• The Trevor Project’s Support Center’s resources for healthy relationships.

Safer Sex

• Mount Sinai’s Adolescent Health Center blog entry on how to have safe sex as a gay guy.
• Healthline‘s LGBTQIA Safe Sex Guide.
• Mayo Clinic article on Health Issues for Gay Men and Men who Have Sex with Men.
• Center for Disease Control Fact Sheet on what men should know about sexually transmitted infections.

Femmephobia

The hatred of all people who are perceived as femme, feminine, effeminate, and/or twink regardless of their gender. A direct result of femmephobia is the oppression of anybody whose gender presentation is in any way classified as being on the female-end of the gender binary due to their fashion sense, behavior, or mannerisms. 

• Check out the Galaxy Mag article, Homophbia vs Femphobia.
• Check out Everyday Feminism‘s article 6 Ways Femmephobia is Harming LGBTQIA+ Communities.
• The Good Men Project‘s article, Femmephobia.

FAQs

Have a question to add or ask? Please write us at gss@uis.edu.