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May 14, 2008
By David Amerson
Staff Writer
The Dark Knight-
Heath Ledger, in pouring his heart into the role of the Joker, actually lived the part of a egomaniacal junkie that dies in the end (is it too soon?). This installation in the troubled Batman franchise should prove as entertaining as the previous Christian Bale vehicle, as long as it doesn’t go down the hallucinogenic, absurdist comic-book route that the 3rd and 4th movies went down (at least Arnold Schwarzenegger is blessedly disposed for a few years).
Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull-
How do you top single-handedly screwing up the entire Star Wars trilogy? Give the same treatment to another beloved series! Indiana Jones is getting the “George Lucas in his senility phase” makeover by rolling out what seems to be a lame plot, a geriatric Harrison Ford, a few references to previous movies, all coated with a big-budget smoke and mirror sheen. Shia Lebouf even finds his way into the movie as Indy’s son in a performance that is sure to give Jar-Jar Binks a run for his money in the most hated characters of all time department.
Get Smart-
Steve Carrell, hot off the straight-to-DVD disaster that was “Dan in Real Life,” is giving the tired remake genre a try by playing Maxwell Smart, Agent 86 in “Get Smart.” The sixties spy-spoof that has already been so mercilessly hammered into the ground by “Austin Powers” is at least given a decent cast to work with, as Anne Hathaway stars as Max’s sidekick Agent 99, with The Chief being played by Oscar-winning Alan Arkin. If only Carrell always had Arkin to lean on (“Little Miss Sunshine”), then maybe he could get starring roles in movies that don’t suffer from acute bad writing and contrived story lines (“Dan in Real Life,” “The 40-year Old Virgin,” “Evan Almighty”) Otherwise, stick to the small screen, Steve.
Sex & The City-
The four horsewomen of estrogen are back, and this time one’s getting married. This movie is the entertainment event of the year-- or so my girlfriend tells me. I think it would only be fair if this movie totally sucked; at least then women could understand what it’s like to watch a beloved T.V. series be marred unrecognizably by a transition to movie (“He-Man,” “Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles,” and “Transformers” come to mind). However, at least “Sex & The City” promises to have a well-written script, courtesy of Candice Bushnell and Darren Star. Oh come on guys, like you haven’t laughed at the show whenever it “happened” to be on.
The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian-
As if the thinly veiled racism, jingoism, and religious proselytizing of the first film weren’t enough, the second film promises to really up the ante. This is a children’s movie that really should be kept away from children, or adults for that matter, especially those of the impressionable, “Left-Behind”-reading, intelligent design-believing variety. This stuff is like “Passion of the Christ” for kids.
You Don’t Mess With the Zohan-
Why is Adam Sandler still getting work? Bad Jewish jokes don’t work Adam, even if you’re Jewish.
The Love Guru-
I’d rather be subjected to an eyes-forced-open, movie torture experience ala “A Clockwork Orange” than watch another Mike Myers comedy.
Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants 2-
Please stop it.
Kung Fu Panda-
No more.
WALL-E-
I quit.
